Category Archives: Family & Friends

Closest to my heart

The Power of Acknowledgements

Flowers. I love them. When I used to stay in Beijing, the one thing I did religiously every weekend was to make a trip down to the wholesale flower market to buy a big bouquet of flowers for my apartment. Actually, they are for me. I love the sight and smell of flowers. They cheer me up. They remind me of the beauty in this world. They remind to stop rushing around and (literally) smell the flowers. I love flowers.

In the past month, I know of four bouquets of flowers that brightened up six lives. I sent my secretary a bouquet of flowers for Secretary’s Day – as it turned out, it was the first time ever she received flowers. She then sent her mother and sister-in-law flowers for Mother’s Day. I sent my gf a bouquet of flowers on her birthday, in the name of another gf who is now living in India and me.

There was a stretch last year when I was feeling low. My husband sent me flowers to cheer me up. It lifted me out of my malaise and melancholy mood. I was reminded that I am loved no matter what and every time my memories recall that file, I am reminded I am loved. (I couldn’t resist patting myself on the back for cleverly showing my husband my favourite online floral shop some time back. Ha!)

In the lift on my way home, I met a pair of folks whom I believe to be co-workers. The lady’s eyes lit up when she saw the bouquet and said, beautiful flowers, with a whimsical smile. The guy asked if it was my birthday or anniversary or some special day. Before I could answer, the lady added, did he do something wrong?

I laughed then and I laugh now at the memory of that short exchange. I remember I responded: They are from my husband, I was feeling a little down the last few days and he sent them to cheer me up. The woman blushed a little, I guess somewhat embarrassed about her last remark. The guy simply said, Wow.

My passing shot delivered with a smile: you don’t need a reason to send someone flowers. Everyone likes to know he is being appreciated in some way.

Acknowledgement is for everyone, anytime, anywhere. Flowers are but a tool; in my opinion a simple and effective one. You don’t need a reason to acknowledge someone. You don’t need to be a man to send flowers. You don’t need to be a woman to receive them. You don’t need to wait for a “special” day to do so. You could acknowledge someone for no reason and THAT would make any normal day special for the person.

I can think of a million reasons to acknowledge the people in my life but there really is only one that matters: because I can. Like the ones who make my day bearable when it gets tough going; the ones who make me smile; the ones who lighten my work and life loads; the ones who quietly exist in my life; the ones who left a footprint in the years passed; the ones who touched my life in the many small ways that I sometimes do not realise until much later.

It is with hindsight that I saw that the very buying flowers for myself in Beijing was an acknowledgement of my life in this foreign land; a simple acknowledgement of my courage to stay sane despite all the chaos I was experiencing. A willingness to look past the struggles, the flowers were an expression of my gratitude that I was able to still enjoy the simple beauty in life.

My secretary expressed her love and acknowledgement for her mother and sister in law with flowers, a simple act that tilted everyone out of their comfort zones and reminded everybody that something bigger is present, something hopeful and optimistic that is available in life. The flowers I sent was my way of saying ‘thank you for being in my life’. It over-rode my sense of inadequacy in our relationships and was my way of expressing my gratitude that I am blessed by their existence in my life.

Sometimes we forget to count our blessings. Yet, don’t just stop at that. Take it one step further – acknowledge the people for being a blessing in your life in the first place.

Acknowledgement is a simple act of generosity and kindness. When was the last time you acknowledged someone in your life?

P/s: There is another aspect to acknowledgement that applies in the not-so-pleasant aspects of life. I am leaving that for a separate post as it deserves its own space.

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Unsettled but unmoved

(First posted on Facebook on Monday, 16 May 2011 at 11:16)

One of the things that Singapore GE 2011 got me to do was move out of my comfort zone, politically that is.

I was never interested in politics in Singapore. I believed that it is all engineered anyway and as long as the PAP-led government got it right most of the time, I can tolerate mistakes here and there as long as they get the big picture right. Afterall I consider myself part of the fortunate strata to have the means to live a comfortable albeit far from luxurious life. I don’t have any complains about my life as a whole, even if I do have grouses about the increasing cost of living. By and large I am contented.

Thanks to the GE, I realised I was like an ostrich that has buried my head in the sand for too long. The more I probed, the sadder I got. Quite early on in the GE, I already knew who I would vote for (if I could vote). I am pro-Singapore. I am one of those who celebrated whole heartedly the win of the Workers’ Party in Aljunied.

Now that the dust has settled and the nation watches the ruling government go through a soul searching process, I am stung by the continuous flood of negative rhetoric one can so easily find online. As much as I agree that the Internet has provided an important forum for a much-needed diversity in views (especially in the derth of unbiased, objective journalism in Singapore), I am disturbed by the overwhelmingly objectionable tone of much of the rhetoric.

To borrow and paraphrase the words of Paul Gilfeather, a principal correspondent at Today newspaper in an article today: I do not object to the existence of these views as such. However, it is the default setting which sees some Singaporeans attack the ruling party at every opportunity that unsettles me.

Some of these are voices that many have come to rely on for alternative views, highly regarded in the internet stratosphere. Indeed, the very fact that they are decidedly alternative is what attracts people.

I am drawn to these voices too and value the efforts of these individuals and groups that serve to create a more open and communicative political and social landscape. My concerns are:

1. How can you take someone seriously when they automatically take the opposite view, no matter what the circumstances? (again to quote and paraphrase Paul Gilfeather in the same article)
2. Do people seek a balance of views by reaching out to all the views available?
3. For people who rely on a single source of opinions that is doggedly one-sided, their choices are guilty of being misinformed and biased, no matter which side they take.

I have a low regard for the professionalism of local newspapers. However, I appreciate that they have a job to do, a social function (even if some think this to be distorted) to fulfill. As much as I disagree with the way things are done, I choose to still read the local dailies to get a picture of the other side of the hedges. Then given all the information my little brain can process, I choose where I stand.

A stand for something is different from taking a position. A position is fixed – either you are in position A or B or C, you get the drift. A position is a function of agreement – either you agree with one position or you do not. This is necessarily adversarial.

A stand however is a space to come from. I can stand for love and compassion and inside of this space, still accept the very existence of hatred and selfishness, all in the same space. It is not about proving someone wrong so I can be right. It is not about making someone look bad so I can look good, or me looking good at the expense of others.

I am pro-Singapore. My stand is for Singapore is best captured by our national pledge. As much as I am unsettled by the seemingly polarised views on the internet, my stand is unmoved.

For the cynics who think the pledge is mere words and is an impossible dream, consider that you are the ones who undermine the value of the pledge and what it stands for.

It starts with the individual. This GE showed us the power of individuals united by one vision (a grander word for stand.) But it all starts with the individual.

For individuals who have the listening of many, I ask you, who have the gift to sway thousands with words, use this gift responsibly, with humility and compassion. You too serve a critical role in this nation’s future creation.

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The Singapore future I am living into

(First posted on Friday, 06 May 2011 at 11:19)

I was one of the 30,000 strong present at the Serangoon Stadium last night reciting the Singapore pledge. It is one of the most moving experiences I have experienced in all of my 37 years of existence, 35 of which were spent in Singapore.

We, the citizens of Singapore, pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society based on justice and equality,
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation.

I am creating the future Singapore Leadership as a POSSIBILITY. Not a wish list, not a criticism of what is not working now, not a maybe, someday phenomena. This is a future that exists as a realm of possibilities. It is this future that reaches into our present that gives us courage, hope and power.

The Singapore future I am living into:

You are a team of individuals who are capable and visionary. You are also compassion, empathy and courage. It does not matter which party colours you don for you are, first and foremost, serving the people of Singapore and the nation. You are a stand for the collective good of this nation. Inside of this, there is room for different voices. You respect diversity in ideas and opinions. You listen FOR what matters most to Singaporeans and Singapore. You are united behind Singapore and its people.

You are the People, and the People is you.

As a result, Singaporeans are united in spirit and action. We take responsibility for our lives with courage and resilience, come what may. We are behind You. We are your partners in creating a home we can be proud of. We are distinct in the roles we have to perform, the duty we each have, but we are not separate. We are ONE for this country.

Let the world bear witness to the birth of a nation that everyone wants to emulate for all the right reasons. We are bigger than we think we are or can be, this little red dot we call our home and country.

Anything is possible, Singapore. ANYTHING.

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No dilemma

(First posted on Facebook on Wednesday, 04 May 2011 at 23:07)

Every morning, on my bus journey to work, I will be greeted by a beautiful stretch of Singapore encapsulated by the now transformed (and still transforming) Marina Bay. Without fail, it tugs at the corners of my mouth and heartstrings.

This morning, with a preoccupied mind, I stared out of the window on the bus and there it is again. I was overwhelmed by a gush of pride, joy and excitement. There was one other time I felt the same rush of emotions – the day I landed in Singapore, returning home for good after spending two years in China.

I can’t explain the emotions rationally. They just took over and tears stung my eyes. This is my home.

I have been totally absorbed in the GE fever in the past week. It was all very exciting in the beginning. The awakening of a nation that seemed to have been in a slumber for so long. Things that historically have not moved are now moving. I attended rallies and got swept away by the social media tsunami. I got drenched in the outpouring of discontent, frustration, anger and fears of Singaporeans. I felt every bit a Singaporean.

I feel enormous anguish over the ruling party’s seeming lack of compassion, complacency and arrogance. I do not expect perfection but crave for accountability and a moral code that is inclusive and humane. I am 100% against demands that will turn Singapore into a welfare state, one which removes the need for one to be responsible for one’s own life and encourage unhealthy dependence on state to provide, but am all for a more humane and compassionate society. I am stung by the unfairness of the GRC that has deviated from its original purpose. I am disturbed by the blatant lies and shallow politicking all round. I hate politics – it has the ability to turn perfectly decent people into scheming monsters, to blind people from what makes us human.

I am humbled by the raw desire to serve the people demonstrated by some candidates in both camps. I cried my eyes out while watching videos of old folks who fell through the cracks of Singapore highly efficient system, and read pleas from a 20-year-old Singaporean and comments from Foreign Minister George Yeo and star representatives of the Opposition broad.

The intensity was never going to be sustainable and this morning, I felt it. A quiet that settled over me as the bus cruised along the Benjamin Shears Bridge, when my eyes met once again the expanse of Marina Bay.

In the quiet of the night, I sat down to type this note. Cutting out the noise, I am acutely aware of how fortunate I am living the life I live in Singapore. If I had the privilege to vote, I know exactly who I will vote for. There is no dilemma. My choice is clear. I love Singapore.

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Awakening

The past few days has been quite unusual for me – I was actually paying attention to politics in Singapore. Not just interested. My thoughts and remarks came at such a fast and furious pace even I am a little breathless. I surprised myself on how strongly I feel about many of the issues that are being bantered around and discussed in public media, and even more by my own urge to be a part of the conversation.

A friend commented recently that one of the best things about the upcoming GE is seeing his intelligent Singaporean friends getting passionate about politics. I remembered the sense of thrill that went down my spine hearing that. I am excited and I can’t quite contain it. Hmm. I don’t want to. What exactly is my excitement over??

This reminds me of one beautiful winter afternoon almost 10 years ago, where I watched my first ever Aussie rules (Australian footy) game in the Melbourne Cricket Ground. I didn’t have anything planned for the trip and decided to drop by the local Ticketmaster to get some ideas. I told the lady manning the counter that I was a tourist and it was my first trip and I was looking for something that will show me a side of Melbourne life. She immediately said “Has to be Aussie rules then, and you are in luck cos two of the most competitive clubs are playing each other at the MCG this afternoon. You will enjoy it.” I didn’t know what Aussie rules was and was too shy to ask but I decided to be brave.

That afternoon I found myself cheering like a hard core footy fan alongside tens of thousands of locals and visiting supporters of the two teams. It was a fascinating experience. The stadium was split into two halves by team colours, filled to the brim. I was told the two teams are local and not the top teams but man do the Australians take their footy seriously. I had no clue about the rules; I was intoxicated by the atmosphere – it was electrifying, passionate and the supporters didn’t hold back their praises for their team and criticisms for the opponent. I mean, it was the rawest form of passion about something inanimate called Aussie rules, unbridled passion.

After overcoming my initial shyness and apprehension (I didn’t want to be too conspicuous then quickly realised that being the only Asian woman who didn’t partake in the fanatical fan behaviour was a dead give-away), I started to get a sense of the game rules. It is not a complicated game and I begin to join in the chorus of chants and irrational screams surrounding me. It was such a thrill to just lose myself in the amazing atmosphere. It was surreal.

I realised that the sense of excitement I am experiencing now about Singapore politics is like the thrill I felt that afternoon in the MCG.

It wasn’t the politics per se that excited me. I was drawn into the ‘atmosphere’ where Singaporeans seem to be waking up from a slumber. People are making comments, responding to what the political players are saying. What used to be a top-down, predictable monologue now sports some new voices.

I lapped up every article in our national broadsheet about the election and party candidates before quickly realising TODAY provided a much more balanced coverage. Kudos to the ST though. It seems to, at least attempting to, come across less of a PAP newsletter by expanding coverage of all parties even though its election website sends shivers down my spine for all the wrong reasons.

I am like a new sponge (I never used to be interested in what the opposition had to say, dismissing them as irrelevant, irrational and incompetent) and my eyes and mind expand in wonder with the information I am now immersing myself in.

The public started a little slow, perhaps preferring to err on the side of caution and conservatism. Then suddenly it felt like everybody had something to say about everything and anything. Like a barrier was broken past, with a flourish. And it is such a pleasure to watch and now participate in.

Singapore is waking up and the campaigning has not even started yet. The game is on. Sure most of it is rhetoric right now but it is such a thrill to see Singaporeans – especially the youth – standing up for something, questioning, speaking up and being bold self expression.

Singaporeans are proving many skeptics wrong – they have become smarter than they have let on, they have been watching in silence, quietly shedding the apathy cloak. They are beginning to realise their voices do count. The quality of the comments is not the focus of this post but I must admit I am pleasantly surprised at the level of critical thinking that has come through some of the comments.

I am drawn out of my own slumber and skepticism into a dialogue where people actually give a damn about one another, rather than suffer in silence or complain about everything (even the things that work) or switch off and withdraw into their own shells. Some of the simple logic provided by the opposition members have been hard to fault and raising some eyebrows. I have met more people saying “it’s about time.”

Perhaps my husband is right. 2011 is the year of the people. This, to me, is the awakening of the human spirit, a step in the right direction. THIS is what excites me.

I wonder if I will live to see Singapore usher in a new political era. Perhaps Singaporeans will save the biggest surprise for the last and stun everyone sooner rather than later. Stay tuned.

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An Open Letter to Opposition parties in Singapore

In his email from Singapore Democratic Party’s (SDP) James Gomez to the media, he made an excellent point that the choice of political system belongs to Singaporeans and not the ruling government. In the same letter, he demanded PAP to release its manifesto saying “We and the people want to scrutinize what programs the PAP is going to introduce to alleviate the suffering of Singaporeans.”

As much as I agree with SDP’s call, I ask the same of SDP and all Opposition parties in Singapore. Show us CONCRETE alternatives to what you claim to be bad policies, viable alternatives which will “alleviate the suffering of Singaporeans.”

We know the PAP is not perfect. We know they have made mistakes. At some point, the Opposition’s unrelentless repetition of this only serves to ANNOY and ALIENATE frustrated Singaporeans who are not contented with the status quo but have no viable, credible option. It is like rubbing salt into the wound. This does exactly what SDP claims the PM did when he said the PAP considered “splitting into two” – “belittling and patronising” Singaporeans’ sense of judgement and capacity to think critically.

Dear Opposition, you are asking Singaporeans to vote for you to do what? So that you can criticise the PAP on our behalf, be the VOICE of Singaporeans in your words?

What makes you think that you can TALK us into believing we have a better future waiting for us if we play along with you? Just because you keep throwing verbal punches at the PAP?

In case you have not noticed, Singaporeans’ cynicism is not even the point. We Singaporeans are a pragmatic lot. Like it or not, the tentacles of PAP are entrenched in the everyday fabric of every Singaporean’s life that we Singaporeans cannot imagine life without PAP in charge.

You can criticise all you want – that’s the easy part. Making others look bad is the easy part. The difficult part is to PROVE you are able to substantiate your words with actions. To win our hearts you have to offer concrete programs and ways to better Singaporeans’ lives. You cannot ask us to vote you in FIRST before you tell us what you can do. That seems to me – a complete political novice – extraordinarily naive.

Yes, we know your job is extremely tough; PAP made sure of it by setting a pretty high benchmark, in spite of all its shortcomings. You cannot erase the good the ruling government has done all these years by insisting they are flawed. We all are.

You need to show you can do better by raising the benchmark, not by dragging it down along with everything else. To borrow the SDP tagline, show us it is really “about the people” and not politicians drumming the right noises to win this game called General Elections of the Republic of Singapore.

Yours Truly
A PR who considers herself a Singaporean at heart

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Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frighten us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t save the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make a difference, to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

– attributed to Marianne Williamson

(Thank you Tai-san for sharing this poem.)

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