I thought about what it means to be a friend today. I am surrounded by friendships. I am touched by friendships. I am blessed by those who so generously gifted their friendship to me.
For many years, I tried to be as good a friend as I can be. My way of showing that was being supportive through good or bad, whether I agreed or disagreed with my friend. I stand by my friend. Agreement is best, don’t impose, don’t push, don’t challenge too hard. It’s their lives to live.
Am I really a friend? Being in agreement all the time, holding my tongue, not daring to say what I think? And then cringe when things do go haywire. Don’t worry, I’m here no matter what happens. That, was something I used to say a lot to myself to convince myself I am a good friend.
What inauthenticity and what audacity. I was only interested in ME looking good. If I was really interested in the wellbeing of my so-called friend, I would have stood up and be counted, not afraid to be straight even if that may look bad. Sure, my friend may not agree with me or heed my suggestions.
It is living in NOW that I could possibly hope to have any impact on anyone’s life. Regrets, hindsight wisdom and if-onlys make no difference to anyone.
I have learnt that taking a stand for someone does not require me to be rude, aggressive or pushy. I will always remember what a coach once said in a class I attended: to be a stand is to be a listening for someone’s greatness to show up. Inside of this space, there is room for disagreements and different opinions.
The power of being a stand is simply accepting that someone can be great, without proof or evidence. You are great because you are.