Woke up past ten this morning, only slept five hours which is enough for now. The sleeping monster will catch up with me later… Plonked myself down at the dining table and started to thumb through the pages of today’s newspapers.
There seem to be quite a lot of interesting articles – thought provoking, in-depth to some some degree, analytical. Out of habit, I dive into them but unlike other mornings, I didn’t quite finish an article this morning. My eyes kept running off to the next thing to read, impatient to read everything but the brain is registering only very little.
I had a thought. Hmm. The more I read, the more I don’t know. To be more precise, the more knowledge I attempt to accumulate, the more I realize there is a lot more I am ignorant about or perhaps, have consciously or subconsciously filtered out.
On one hand, as my brain processes a piece of writing to decode the intellectual DNA imbedded i it, I experience an expansion of my world view beyond my own short sightedness, moments that are both satisfying and humbling; on the other I feel like someone just hit a panic button in me and i invariably experience, even for a fleeting moment, the ever-present anxiety of being inadequate in thought and action, the smallness of me in the bigness of life.
I do not think it is necessary to learn everything. In fact I think sometimes it is good I don’t know so much. The futility of it all. There is some truth to the phrase there is bliss in ignorance.
I enjoy simplicity in life though I do not always pursue that I must admit. There is a built-in pressure to know more with every passing moment, through every experience. What have I learnt from my past success and failures, other people’s experiences? Things happen for a reason, surely. Otherwise wouldn’t it all be in vain?
There is virtue in not knowing. Nobody gets to know it all, we are humans not God. The superficiality of it all brings some degree of comfort, takes the pressure off the pedal to keep pushing ahead. It is ok to pause, do stupid things, knowingly or unknowingly to participate in the lighter side of life. To partake in moments without going through a discourse of the higher purpose in life. In fact, I dare say we need such moments of a distinct lack of definitive purpose, moments of self expression just because we can.
It is a bliss to spend six hours with friends over late night mahjong, crappy football, spontaneous and sometimes irreverent jokes, dark chocolate truffles and 3 in 1 coffee.
No, let me correct that. It’s DIVINE.