A sense of urgency

I always remember the day Flora told me she has cancer. Her tone was depressed, understandably. I grappled with the blankness in my mind when she broke the news to me. No, this can’t be real. You can’t have cancer.

Flora passed away last year, at the glorious age of 38. I will always remember the last thing she said to me, before her body started to breakdown irretrievably.

Whatever you want to do with your life, love, go make a difference, go see the world, let the people you love know you love them, whatever; go do it NOW. I’m running out of time.

Soon after, her time in this physical world came to an end. For good. She lived out the final years of her life – borrowed time in her words – to make sure her family knew she will never desert them, that her love for them far outweighed her love for herself; she left her husband who has been a poison to her soul and spirit so that the people she loved will have one less thing to worry about her. She traveled with her family to Korea, saw snow again (which turned out to be her last time), even though her body weakened by the minute and travelling took a lot out of her.

She lived her life exactly the way she wanted it. For those who are left behind, we remember her courage, fierce spirit, compassion, generosity and immense capacity to love others before herself. Her willingness to use her life to light that of others, right up to her last breath.

Does one only find the courage to confront life, deal with what it is and what it is not only when something drastic happen? The death of a loved one; a natural disaster that wiped out humanity in a matter of seconds; a sudden turn of events that leave you in unfamiliar territory. What is the price of living a life like a walking zombie?

I am filled with an acute sense of urgency all of a sudden; I can feel my body tingling in response. My fingers can’t type fast enough, my mind can’t think and organise my thoughts quick enough; I can’t express myself adequately enough. Someone has just pressed my emergency button. Life is urgent!

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Filed under Live. Life.

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