Although my blog came into being yesterday, the formulation of my blogging mindset started sometime in February this year, when I started to post notes on my Facebook account. I was unemployed then, had lots of time on my hands to think about life in general. It was a very significant period of my life and not surprisingly (to me), I turned to writing for comfort and clarity.
I decided to use Facebook as a test platform; to see if this desire for self expression through writing is sustainable, or was it merely something I concocted out of boredom or perhaps, some degree of desperation to reach out to the world. I wanted to see if I could sustain the writing, what things I would write about, what inspires me, what frustrates me, my writing style, whether I am capable of making a commitment to my word. On hindsight, I surprised myself with my mental fortitude.
On launching my blog, I went back and reviewed the “test results”. I posted 47 notes (assuming I counted properly) of various subject matters with an acceptable consistency (I produced something every month). I do not remember it to be an arduous process; there was no anxiety to write when I don’t. When I do write, it is inevitably a satisfying experience.
The patience to stick with this process of self discovery over the past 10 months or so is in itself a major breakthrough for me, for patience was never one of my (short list of) virtues. I did not try to become more patient; instead I worked on discovering the sources of my impatience, my underlying discontent and bias to focus on the bad rather than the good. It was a whole new way of seeing things.
I am learning patience by confronting my own inner demons and dealing with them. The resulting peace is lasting and nurturing. Getting to the root of the issue is the only way to overcome the hurdle. The end result is I AM patient. And the best part is, this sense of calm is not a flash in the pan and has a higher chance of enduring over time.
Before some of you pop the champagne in celebrations, let me say that this does not mean I have become a saint 😛 My suggestion is just enjoy me without any pre-judgement. For those of you who think you know me, consider that you don’t really. You are much closer to the real Joanne than you ever have been. And I am still discovering her myself 🙂 You are welcome to join me!